Grace #4 - January 16, 2012

I've always admired people who can make the best of every situation. They seem to be at their finest when they can convert a bad turn of events into something not as daunting, detrimental or devastating. They're like magicians who can take unwelcome circumstances and turn an incredible hurdle into a catalyst for positive change. I have friends who have that ability to operate with grace in everything they do. They're like experienced diplomats in the face of life! They're so constructive in the way they conduct themselves with others, as well as in how they treat themselves when circumstances out of their control suddenly and dramatically impact their lives.

I think to operate with grace in your life is such a gift. Maybe it's something you are born with or maybe it's something you can learn. I'm not sure. I believe I have some degree of grace because I don't usually blow up and make a mess all over the place, but I think I can be better. Perhaps that comes with maturity and experience as I gain perspective with things that happen throughout my life -- both good and bad.

I also think that grace is dependent on how you view your many blessings and the things you have learned in your realm of understanding of creation and respect to the universe. It's about being respectful. Grace seems to be a concerted understanding that everything is not just about you. It's about something much larger than yourself. It's about what was here before you got here and what will be here after you're gone.

To me, grace seems to be about embracing where you are in life and embracing the world you are in and respecting it. It's also about trusting it and believing that in spite of hiccups along the way and surprising mishaps that catch you in the worst surprise, grace is reacting with a sense of acceptance. In the case of athletes, of course they want to win every contest in which they compete, but the reality of losing more often than winning sculpts a sense of practiced acceptance to negative outcomes. That said, grace is about reacting with a sense of peace and a sense of gratefulness to all of the other things that are good. In spite of the bad things, there's so much for which to be grateful.

I had an amazing colleague when I worked at the Golf Digest Company a few years ago. He was diagnosed with ALS, an inhumane disease that slowly diminishes the body's functions. He was a young man in his early 40s with a wife and a young child. He knew he only had two to three years to live so he dealt with the disease and his own certain early death, and then went to work every single day until he died. Before he lost his ability to speak clearly, he made a video for his son to watch someday when he was old enough to understand. He wanted his son to grow up and to know something about his dad. The video was a father talking to his son about important things in life.

I remember how my friend never tried to hide the terrible symptoms of this disease. He was eventually reduced from a scratch-handicap golfer with a steady swing to a man in a wheelchair completely dependent on others. He needed help eating his lunch and visiting the restroom. He had to have help just to pull up his socks. He eventually could only write his stories by using a special computer that typed letters by the movement of his eyes. But this man showed such courage in incredibly dire circumstances. We all watched both with horror and amazement at what was happening to our beloved colleague. He never complained. He showed grace with death literally hovering as the clock ticked down. He showed us how to live. And he demonstrated with each day the very preciousness of life. When he died, it was easy for all of us to feel that this kind man had been dealt a bad hand in life. We were sad and angry, but what he showed us while he struggled each day was how to not spend the energy he had on being angry about his circumstances, but rather, on how to shift his focus to the things he could control and to appreciate every single minute and every single breath he had remaining. His life was our lesson in what grace looks like!

While I am not dealing with the same life-and-death challenges as my former colleague, I also aspire to have grace. I aspire to understand grace and to exemplify it in my behavior -- especially in times of trial, where everything I have and know and believe is being tested. I genuinely respect those who have their acts together to be graceful under fire and masterful in reacting in a way that shows a sense of self-control. When bad things happen, others can't help but watch to see how you react. Will you rant and storm about your misfortune? Will you melt down? Will you absolutely wallow in your sorrow and disappointment? Will you withdraw in isolation? Will you become bitter? Or will you stand up, dust yourself off and know that there is nowhere to go but forward? There is no point in looking back. People who spend too long staring into their rear-view mirrors are destined only to crash into what lies ahead.

A kind person recently called me on the telephone when she heard that I had lost my job and said, with a sense of cheerfulness, "Lisa, losing your job is not the worst thing that can happen to you in life." She's right. It hurts and sometimes it is confusing and scary, but the unemotional side of me understands that today's workplace is ruled by numbers. When not enough numbers show up in the right places in the accountant's ledger, other numbers must shift. It's small consolation, but it is reality. I get it. It's not personal from a business perspective. It's survival for them and then, in another way, it becomes survival for you.

So while I transition forward with whatever is next for me, I hope people will think I have some degree of grace in my little journey. I want to have a sense of grace about my daily living, a sense of peace, a sense of respect, and a sense of responsibility in how I handle my disappointment. I know that the way I react is a reflection of me, my family and all that I've ever known and done in my life. I suppose if I had to choose between having a job and a genuine sense of lifelong grace, the decision is easy. Jobs come and go, but grace is that underlying essence that shapes your acceptance of everything that lies ahead.

- January 16, 2012